Spotting

Got up this morning in a pretty good place.  Woke up super early and made a run to Walgreens for another package of the Clear Blue Digital with Conception Indicator pee sticks.  Took one last Monday and again 2 days ago at 5 weeks exactly, and it said "2-3."  The blooklet said that means 4-5 weeks pregnant.  Pretty on target.  Decided to see what 2 days would bring and got this:



Relief!  The "3+" means 5+ weeks pregnant.  Perfect!  But my good mood did not last for long....

I went back to bed for a little bit and when I got up around 9:30 AM and went to the bathroom, there was blood.  Commence freak out.  It was red and brown, and enough that it got on my shorts.  Took a shower and put on a liner.  It's  6PM now and there hasn't been any more.  No cramping or anything.  Still not feeling any symptoms though.  I hope this is nothing.  Really really hope it's nothing.  This is the one thing that hadn't happened yet.  Ugh.  Will give my RE a call tomorrow just to let them know.

The Bears won today.  WOOHOO!  The puppies enjoyed the game and got into the spirit:

Also, something happened with my new blog design and my fixing powers are not working.  BOOO!  Will have to keep trying!

Confession

Confession: I bought more pee sticks. Just the super cheap ones from Amazon. I am really feeling no symptoms, especially yesterday and today, and it's making me nervous. I go in for my intralipids tomorrow and will find out when my ultrasound will be. I think I will need to test every other day or so just to stay sane between now and then.

I'm really trying to focus on the now. NOW I am pregnant, the most pregnant I've ever been in fact! But it's hard not to think about other stuff...

This is real life!

It's beta day, and it's a good day! 

 


Beta #1 that was taken on Friday, 8/30/13, at 9dp5dt (14 DPO) was 108.4.  Pretty on the mark since it was 2 days after the digital turned positive.  Today's beta at 13dp5dt (18DPO) is 565.2!!!  That's a doubling time of 40.3 hours!  It's doubling faster than the ideal time of 48 hours!  YAHOO!  I found a fun website that makes a chart with your betas and compares them to averages.  Here's what mine looks like:






 
This is also going to be my last pee stick progression picture.  I feel withdrawal coming!  I keep telling myself it has to stop sometime and I'm not sure the line can get any darker than it already is.

After all of this excitement today, I talked to my friend this afternoon who did a FET at my clinic 3 weeks prior to mine.  She had really good betas starting out.  She told me today that at her ultrasound they discovered that the baby stopped growing at 5 1/2 weeks, and she should have been 7 weeks.  I feel so, so bad for her.  And it was a huge reminder that just because my betas are good, doesn't mean I'm out of the woods.  Ugh.

But for today I'm going to enjoy the moment.  

I'm the most pregnant that I've ever been.

Lucky $2 Bill

Right before my transfer, my BFF sent me a card.  She is truly an amazing friend and is always encouraging and inspiring me.  This card and gift inside was no exception...

 

It truly is a guardian angel.  Thank you, Jorie, for sharing it with me.  

Still peeing on things to pass the time.  Line is getting super dark on the FRER's.  Having some occasional twinges in my ute and funny feeling bewbies, but other than that not too much going on.  My nipples are sensitive more than anything else.  I thought they looked different last night, but Johnnie disagreed ;).  Beta #2 and the official phone call will come tomorow...

Crazy Train w/pee sticks

I realize that I am crazy.  I am ok with that!  The pee sticks are keeping me sane until Tuesday's beta.  They just keep getting darker!  Wondfo looks like it is finally getting with the program and producing some nice lines, and FRER is definitely darker than the control today.  The Wondfo's are usually darker at night, too (yes, I'm dipping 3 sticks a day lol).  Feeling pretty good about the progress of things!  I'm out of FRER's so that fun is done for now.


I've been cleaning like crazy during this 3 day weekend.  Not sure what's gotten into me!  I found this blog post that described a method to remove stains from carpet.  There's a bunch of stains that I have been trying for YEARS to get out.  Gave it a shot and holy smokes it worked!  Not perfect, but way better!

Tonight we're going to a fish fry at a friend's house.  Tomorrow Johnnie has to work in the afternoon/evening, so hopefully we can play a round of frisbee golf before he has to leave!

Productive Saturday

Happy Saturday!

Too excited!

Started out the morning with a walk with the puppies.  It was a nice morning!  They love walking, but their little legs get tired and can really only make 30-45 minutes.  Hopefully they can build up some endurance because I'd at least like to be gone an hour.  

Purge!

Last night I cleaned out 3 huge industrial sized garbage bags of clothes, shoes, and purses from my closet and dresser.  I am on a roll with this cleaning and organizing!  Johnnie got the tubs down from up top, so that's my project today.  If I have time I want to tackle the hall linen closet, but that might have to wait until tomorrow or Monday.  Is this nesting lol?


Had my blood drawn yesterday for beta #1.  3 more sleeps until beta #2 and I get some news.  Tests are still positive and I think still getting darker?  The line has slowed down a little, but I think that's ok?  I probably need to stop overanalyzing pee sticks at this point.  Easier said than done!  For the pee stick stalkers...

I'm off to get some more cleaning supplies!  Happy long weekend!

What to feel?

Today is my EDD from the December pregnancy. August 29, 2013. I don't even know what to feel today. This journey has been so long, so hard. Pokes, prodes, waiting, disappointment, loss. I could have a baby in my arms today. Tears.

 
But today there is also hope, because I am still pregnant. And the lines are still getting darker. My first beta is tomorrow but boooo hiissssss their policy is not to call until after the second, which is Tuesday.  I'll be begging tomorrow, but I doubt that will change anything.







In other news, I tried a Pinterest project last night and it turned out GREAT!  This is my new cover for my iPhone:

MOAR PEE STICKS

The only logical way to get through this week until my beta tests is peeing on sticks, right? Right.

Wow. They are still positive. The digi was negative yesterday and positive today. Seems like that is a step in the right direction that HCG is still increasing! Maybe this is real life?

Tomorrow is my EDD from our December IVF pregnancy. I don't even really know how I feel about that. I'm so excited to be pregnant again, but obviously it is still really early and anything can happen. I think I'm going to the bathroom 800 times a day to check things out. No bleeding, but that doesn't stop me from excessively checking. I wonder if I ever will stop checking?I had some more cramping last night, which of course I catastrophized. My brain knows that it's normal. Now if only my heart would believe it!

Is this real life?

Today, I'm pregnant.

WHAT THE WHAT????

After 2 1/2 years,  I'm pregnant.  I don't even know what to say, do, think, believe.  Is this real?  Is it viable?  Is this my dream finally coming true?

IF history:
I'll try to be brief!  In February 2011, we ditched the birth control and started trying for a baby.  I started charting to confirm ovulation and time things.  Month after month went by....no baby.  After a year, I called my OB.  She did some initial testing and Johnnie had a semen analysis.  All seemed ok, so she referred us on to a RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) for more testing.

We saw The RE for the first time in April 2012.  In May 2012, we got our first diagnosis: MFI (Male Factor Infertility).  Basically too many of Johnnie's sperm are not shaped the right way or swimming the right way, so they can't penetrate my eggs.  For awhile Johnnie wasn't ready to do any treatments.  So I waited.  I tried to be patient.  It was really hard but I understand that he needed time to process things.

In July 2012, Johnnie decided it was time!  Our RE recommended IVF right from the get go.  We weren't sure we were ready for that.  Luckily, our insurance covered procedures and medications.  What a blessing!  We started with 2 IUI's with injectible medications, against our RE's advice.  Neither worked, but I am really glad we tried them.

In December 2012, we took the plunge did a fresh IVF cycle.  WOH IVF is intense!  So many medications including injections, pills, suppositories.  Wow.  I seriously amaze my own self with the strength that it took to do it.  On 12/6/12, 14 eggs were retrieved.  11 were mature and 9 fertilized!  Yeah!  Out of those 9, the doctors weren't impressed with how well they were growing, so they recommended a 3 day transfer.  We transferred 2 day 3 embryos on 12/9/12. 

Waiting, waiting waiting...torture!  I tested at home and it was negative.  I was crushed.  You have to go in for the betas anyways.  What a shock when they called and said that my betas were really low, but they were rising!  Hope!  Started testing positive at home, but I was bleeding.  Long story short, it was a chemical pregnancy.  The loss happened on 12/31/12 at 5W3D.  Happy new year.

The positive to come out of that heartbreaking cycle was that at the end, there were 2 embryos that were healthy enough to be frozen.  Hope again!  We lost our insurance coverage for infertility treatments in January.  Stupid healthcare!  My RE recommended some autoimmune testing, leading to my diagnosis of high NK cells.  Everyone has killer cells, but I have too many.  So if an embryo fertilizes, my body kills it off.  Luckily, the treatment with intralipids is fairly simple and painless.  Small favors!

We pulled some money together and tried a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) in March.  We got all the way through the protocol until about a week before estimated transfer.  I started bleeding.  Ultrasound confirmed my lining was only a 4.  It needs to be an 8.  Cancelled.  Devastated again.

When we met with the RE to talk about a new game plan, he had a protocol to try for poor responders to the typical FET protocol.  It involved Trental for 3 months, then a whole bunch of pills and Viagra (Yes, you are reading that correctly) suppositories 4X per day!  Intense!  The side effects on the Terbulatine were insane.  Far worse that any side effects for anything that I'd done so far.  It better be worth it....

And it was.  Made it to transfer with a lining of 11.  11!!!!  We transfered 1 blast that was already hatching on 8/21/13.  The picture on the left is the embryo.  You can see how it is hatching out of it's shell!  On the right is my uterus.  See that white flash in the middle?  That's the little embryo being transferred onto my beautifully perfect lining.  Our baby's first picture!

Pee sticks:
So here we are.  My EDD is 5/9/14.  I'm 3 weeks 4 days pregnant today.  I started testing at 4dp5dt (9 DPO).  Crazy, crazy early!  There was "something" there.  I couldn't get it in a picture.  I called it "not negative" and got more tests.  5dp5dt, the line was definitely there! Today at 6dp5dt it is super obvious.  Here's the progression so far:

Symptoms:
The day after transfer, I had crazy bad gas!  Eww!  4ish days later, I had some ovary aching and sharp pains in my vagina.  I've had some more cramping and sore boobs today, but not a lot else to report.  My beta tests are not scheduled until 8/30/13 and 9/3/13.  They don't call until after the 2nd test.  RAWR!  I'm armed and dangerous with pee sticks to get myself through the next week.

I totally regret not blogging my IF journey.  I hope to change that with this pregnancy!